My husband went to a seedy massage parlour - our 25-year marriage is over
DEAR DEIDRE: I DON’T know what’s worse, knowing my husband secretly went to a seedy massage parlour or him creeping around trying to make it up to me.
As soon as I discovered his filthy secret, our 25-year marriage was over.
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I’m too hurt, betrayed and confused to forgive him.
We are both 49 and have two adult sons.
I always believed we had a strong marriage. My husband comes over as a good man with high morals who detests cheats.
But one day, as I was sorting through the washing, I found a card in his trouser pocket from a massage parlour, well known locally for masseuses who are just sex workers.
I confronted him and he denied it at first. But I wouldn’t let it go and he finally admitted having naked massages.
He says it was just “once or twice” and he didn’t have “proper sex” so he didn’t cheat, but I don’t believe him.
I insisted on putting the house up for sale but because of financial pressures, neither of us can afford to move out.
Our sons know we are having marital problems although they don’t know the whole truth.
My husband keeps cooking me dinner, is keeping the house immaculate and is even giving me his full attention when I talk to him — all the things he knows I wanted before.
But rather than soften me, it just makes me angry and frustrated. Why couldn’t he behave like that before?
I’m always on edge and I don’t know how to deal with living in the same house while the sale goes through.
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I can never forgive and can’t wait to sell up and start afresh.
It is making me ill staying in the house with him under these circumstances.
Most read in Dear Deidre
DEIDRE SAYS: You have been betrayed by the one person who should have been there for you.
Your husband does sound truly sorry and while it is possible to come back from a crisis like this and get your relationship back on track, it sounds as if your mind is made up.
The pain will ease and my support pack Thinking Of Divorce will give you the tools to get the process started.
Some couples divide their house while living together, but separated so you can stay out of the other’s way.
If possible, organise the house so you have an area that is yours alone, to limit contact and tension.
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MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Make sure you look after your physical and mental well-being and lean on family and friends as well as talking to your GP.
Try to get fresh air and exercise regularly, which will help with your physical health and will give you time and space to clear your head.
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